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What can you say when you loose your best friend? One day you are making plans to travel the world and the next given the news that your mother will not make it through the night.

March 6, 1998 was the most surreal evening I had ever experienced in my life. My beloved mother was taken into surgery at 10 pm and I, forever hopeful, did not realize the seriousness of her illness. My husband, however, silently held in the pain for he knew she would not make it through the night.

While my mother was in surgery, my husband and I silently stood outside of the hospital, waiting. Lost within our own thoughts, I focused on a single tree on the hospital grounds surrounded with the most dramatic light pouring through its foliage. It was extremely hypnotic and as I stared into the light, I saw my childhood pass before my eyes. My glorious, loving mother was in every scene caring for me: laughing with me and loving me. I knew then I lost her but was not ready to let go of her — not now, not ever.

Hours passed and my mom was taken into recovery. The surgery did not go as expected. Since I was my mother’s health care proxy, the surgeon wanted to speak with me but I avoided him. My mother had survived so many illnesses in her lifetime and I was convinced that this too would pass. I needed a miracle. I expected a miracle and I needed to see my mother now.

Immediately asking for a priest, I walked into the recovery room and found my mom. The nurses tried to calmly prepare me for what to expect, but I was only interested in being with my mother and caring for her. Her poor body was hooked up to all types of tubes and life-support machines and her body ballooned to three times her size. I needed to touch her and, standing over her bed, reached for her hand and asked her if she knew her family was with her. She squeezed my hand in response and that became the only form of communication she had with me for the remainder of the night.

We prayed over her bed; I caressed her; I loved her but nothing was improving. I was oblivious to everyone and anything around me except her: my mommy. Why, Dear Lord, why now? I need her, you don’t, I thought. Ironically, even though I was a married forty year-old woman, I still trusted my mother to have all the answers. I still relied on her and still expected to be babied as she always babied me. Now it was my turn and I couldn’t even hold her. I couldn’t even remember the words to any prayers–I was stuttering through ‘The Our Father’ but didn’t care for I felt the Lord honored any feeble attempts we were making.

Hours later, the time finally came when the head nurse approached me about switching off all life-support machines. I knew my mother’s wishes but I also was in conflict with what I wanted. I was not ready, and wanted everyone to leave me alone with my mother. We hadn’t had enough time. I needed time. But I also knew what she would want and I knew her poor body was tired.

Praying for strength, I motioned for the nurse to go ahead and turn off the machines. I signed the papers and, thinking I had time, went upstairs to her hospital room to gather her belongings. Accompanied by my brother, I remember nothing of that journey except for when I returned to the recovery room and then I knew. I looked into my husband’s eyes and knew she was gone. My mother was gone and it was then I fell to the floor feeling as though every part of my insides was sucked out me like a vacuum.

March 7, 1998 at 12:00 p.m. my mother was called home.

Shortly after my mom’s passing, my dad became very ill and underwent a five-bypass surgery. Again, the doctors tried to prepare me that my dad might not make it but, thankfully, he had. After his surgery, my husband decided that we should care for my father in our home and so he has lived with us ever since.

Since my mother’s passing, I hadn’t had much time to think of much due to the fact that I had to nurse my dad and I functioned as best as I could. There were many times I would forget and pick up the phone to call mom, or be in a store and want to buy her something or smell a scent that reminded me of her. Their memory never leaves you, yet life must go on.

One day, my husband came home from work and after looking at me nonchalantly mentioned that he thought I was pregnant. I was in disbelief but took the test anyway and sure enough the test was positive. I was pregnant! At 42 years old, seventeen months after my beloved mother passed away, I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful 8-1/2 pound little girl. I then knew the graciousness and goodness of our Lord. He knew how deeply I loved my mother and, yet, now with a little child I had to finally accept my mother’s passing and tend to my baby and her grandchild.

While my mother was living, I miscarried four times yet seventeen months after her passing I gave birth. Laura is the miracle I prayed for the night of my mother’s surgery and my reminder of a truly gracious God. He did hear my prayers that night after all only not in the way I understood it to be.

In 2003, when my daughter was four years old, I thought she was old enough to be taken to her grandma’s gravesite. I was nervous because I didn’t know how my Laura would react. Once we reached my mother’s site, my daughter, at first, stared blankly at the gravesite. I observed silently expecting to carry her somberly back to the car. Within minutes, however, my Laura joyfully ran back to our car and grabbed all her toys out of backseat and ‘decorated’ grandmas grave with her dolls and stuffed animals. My daughter was fully aware that grandma was in heaven yet felt the need to tend to her grandmother’s gave as she saw fit. As I witnessed this joy, my heart filled with such peace and I knew my mother was pleased.

Upon departing, my little girl grabbed my hand and together we recited the entire ‘Our Father’ and it was then that I realized that my mother is always with me and that I never have to let her go. I am very fortunate I am to have had such a wonderful loving mom. I celebrate my mother daily as she continues on through me and through her grandchild and generations to follow. And, most importantly, I thank God daily.

Judi Lynn Lake successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding, videos and websites while continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion. To learn more visit http://www.judilake.com

I am a mum and I have one daughter of my own and two step sons all my children are between the 10-15 years of age. As with all parents I worry about my children constantly as they grow up, I want to know where they are, who they are with, how long they will be when out and what time they need picking up.

I want to know have they got their mobile phones etc, all the things that parents think of every day. From when they were little I always taught them to never speak to strangers, always stay with the person your suppose to be with but never really thought about the more sinister things such as people carrying knives and knife crimes.

I suppose I was someone who preferred to believe that this sort of crime just does not happen in the area where I live, but in reality it could not be further from the truth! When I think about it, I have read many articles in the local papers about knife crimes happening just a few miles from my door but still never really paid it the attention it really deserved and certainly did not realise just how much of a real threat knife crime is becoming

That was until last year, I was sitting down at tea time watching the local news with my daughter, when I recognised a lady on the television which immediately grabbed my attention. I could not believe my ears when I listened to the news report and would never in a million years have imagined the tragic story that was to follow, which had deeply affected this ladies life and those of everyone around her, turning her world upside down.

I then realised where I knew this lady from, I saw her nearly every day taking her grand-daughter to school which happened to be the same school as my daughter attends. This actually made her plight even harder to believe, bringing with it a devastating realisation that this sort of thing could happen so close to home!

Just one year previously, Annie Oakes-Odger lost her son to a violent knife attack whilst he was standing at a cash machine on a busy shopping parade; the attack did not happen in the middle of the night as you would expect, it happened in broad daylight in the middle of a summer afternoon.

A totally unprovoked attack which inflicted a single stab wound to the neck which ended his life. This shocked me and made me aware that it can happen to anyone, anywhere without warning or motive, which I find a very scary thought!

How would you carry on?
I personally could not even for one second imagine how it must feel to loose your child in this manner, let alone imagine how you could ever carry on living life when you know that the people who did this to your child, friend, loved one, whomever, are still very much alive, not only that but serving a sentence that has no relevance to the gravity of the crime, often having their sentences reduced! It should be, in my opinion tougher laws and stricter sentences which should be being applied. Not reduced time for good behaviour!

Parents need to make themselves more aware nowadays. This no longer should be a Taboo subject as it is something that could affect any one of us at any time without warning.

My son is set to go to a football match this weekend with his mates and although he is 15, I will make sure that he will have his mobile fully charged, enough money for the bus and make sure that he stays with his group of friends. (I am not implying that a football match is an unsafe place, but it is just an example of places where children want to go as they become more independent).

I totally support Annie in her plight to bring about stricter laws and tougher sentencing for knife-crimes, and hope and pray that I will never have to go through what she has. I find her a total inspiration, having the courage to carry on and fight for justice, not just for her but for everyone who has either been a victim of knife crimes or the people who are left behind to pick up the pieces of their lives.

Shaun parker has a website dedicated to raising the awareness ofKnife Crime and the damage and impact it has on those affected.

Cremation is widely accepted and practiced around the world and, along with custom and unique cremation urns, are slowly gaining popularity in the states. But many of us who are opting for cremation have never thought about how we might memorialize our loved ones including our pets.

There are many types of funeral urns and processes for making them. In general, cremation urns are designed to hold the cremains securely. After a deceased body is subjected to the high heat used in cremation, it can be pulverized for easy placement in a columbarium, buried, or kept at home.

Many of today’s customized cremation urns and funeral keepsakes are made by master craftsmen and artists. These cremation funeral urns are beautiful works of art in their own right and many people prefer to display them openly. Today family and friends are choosing keepsake urns or memorial jewelry like lockets and urn necklaces. These keepsakes can hold a small amount of sacred ground, funeral flowers, cremains, clothing, hair, or anything meaningful.

There are hundreds of funeral urns to choose from and materials vary including wood, metal, ceramic, stone and even bio-degradable material like natural fiber and salt. The methods of creating funeral urns are varied as well. The most common are:

WROUGHT OR FABRICATED METAL URNS
These are methods used in metallic materials like stainless steel, copper or bronze and may include one or a combination of the following: hammering, bending, welding, shearing or forming. These methods produce cost-friendly urns and are relatively easy to do. The methods usually result in urns with a satiny finish, allowing the surfaces to be engraved with personalized messages or inscriptions.

CAST BRONZE URNS
This is a method usually done with bronze and requires high heat to melt the metal. It is poured into a mold that usually has a reverse image, called the negative. This method produces a funerary urn with very beautiful and detailed designs. However, since it requires great time and skills, it can be costly.

Another method used with bronze urns is the lost wax method, where a rubber mold is used to form a temporary wax sculpture and coated with a liquefied form of ceramic. Once heated, the wax then melts, hence the term ‘lost wax’. The resulting shell is then used as the mold for the liquid bronze.

SPINNING
This method creates round-shaped metal urns and is limited to most metals including pewter. Flat sheets are spun on a lathe and are gradually shaped to form a round urn. Like the fabrication method, this technique is only limited to a satiny finish. However, the finished product is easy to engrave and personalize.

CLOISONNE
Cloisonne cremation urns are made through a process involving hammering and soldering an intricately-designed copper wire netting onto a uniquely shaped funeral urn. Different-colored enamels are then applied on the spaces formed by the copper wires and the urn is fired. The firing is performed several times until the enamel fills the spaces perfectly. The urn is then scored by hand and polished.

TIPS FOR CHOOSING FUNERAL URNS
First, consider what the burial rites are. Some families prefer to keep the cremated remains in a temporary urn for a scattering ceremony later on. For this type of burial rite, they may want to consider using temporary urns or bio-degradable urns. If you plan to keep a small amount of the cremated remains as a keepsake, consider getting keepsake urns or memorial jewelry.

If the burial rite involves land or deep water, bio-degradable urns are the perfect choice. You can house the remains securely and once buried in the soil or deep water, the urn will then slowly degrade.

If, however, the family prefers to keep all the cremated remains either in a mausoleum or at home, it would be a good idea to get a durable urn to house the remains. This way, they will be assured that the remains are safe and secure in an urn that will last for many years.

Memorial Urns offers a wide selection of cremation urns and keepsakes for humans and their pets. Find out more about memorializing your loved one at www.memorial-urns.com.

Cremation fell out of favor with the Christian population in the early Middle Ages, but was later recommended on grounds of health and sanitation during the reign of Queen Victoria. A milestone was reached in 1963 when the Pope lifted the ban on cremation. In 1966, Catholic priests were allowed to officiate at Cremation ceremonies. Even today, religious practices like Islam, Orthodox Judaism, Zoroastrianism, Parsees and Greek Orthodox Christianity forbid the practice of cremation. It has been the usual method of disposal of the dead among Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Calvinists, Liberal Jews, Roman Catholics, Presbyterians, Mormons and Methodists, to name a few.

Arranging a cremation:
You have to inform the funeral director and instruct him that you will be following a cremation service. The funeral director will be fully conversant with all the formalities and will obtain the necessary forms, which will also contain a letter of authorization from a near relative stating the desire to cremate the deceased. The funeral director will notify the crematorium of the date and time. You will also have to inform the crematorium how you wish to dispose of the cremation ashes.

Cost:
Normally, cremation costs up to a third less than a burial as there is no headstone or grave to be purchased. The funeral director’s charges are usually the same for both services. A typical funeral can cost $6,000 compared to $1200 for a cremation and service. Caskets typically start at about $2,000 for an economy model and quickly rise from there. Be sure and shop around online. If you purchase a casket from the funeral home you will most likely pay twice or more for the same coffin online. Cremation urns vary dramatically in price from a low of $100 to thousands of dollars. But a typical purchase would be $100 to $500 online.

The ceremony:
The service is the same as burial and it may take place in one’s own church or in a crematorium chapel. The form of the service can be adapted to suit one’s own desires and the charges will depend on the services rendered and the time needed. The body is brought in a coffin and the coffin usually remains in view for mourners to pay their respects. After the service, the coffin is withdrawn into a room where it is labeled with all the relevant information. This label stays with the coffin until the final disposal of the remains. After the service, the body is taken in the coffin to be cremated. Almost without exception, the body is cremated along with the coffin. Once the cremation is over, the ashes are removed and cooled in a tray. This is then placed in an urn and permitted to be strewn. The remains that are in the urn are cindered to a fine white ash.

Memorials:
Christian churches have a separate section, usually referred to as Gardens of Remembrances, which is set aside for the disposal of cremated remains. Ashes are strewn or buried here, but no area can be reserved by any one person. Some crematoriums have secured niches that hold the urns containing the ashes. These are available on a rental basis. If the rent is not paid on time, the ashes will be buried or strewn. Some families also dispose of the ashes in a family grave or strew them at a favorite spot. Sometimes, areas of religious significance are picked up to hold the ashes. However it is important to obtain permission before one can dispose of the ashes in other places. If you so desire, you may also keep the ashes with you.

Cremation Urns:
The increase in the number of people choosing cremation is also reflected in the sales of cremation urns. Traditional urns are wood cremation urns and cast bronze urns or spun metal urns. But, increasingly people are opting for customized cremation urns that better reflect the life of the person or pet they memorialize.

As with any memorial, people are beginning to place sculpted cremation urns and other artistic funeral urns at home, either in the garden or as art in the home.

If you wish, some crematoriums will allow you to dedicate a garden item or a small plaque for a limited period on payment. Some also accept donations in the form of physical objects like stained glass, seats and other items. Such items will hold a small inscription of the deceased. Enquire with the funeral director regarding memorial facilities available at your crematorium. The staff at the crematorium will also be happy to assist with any information you may need.

Memorial Urns offers a wide selection of funeral urns and keepsakes, and memorial jewelry for humans and their pets. Find out more about memorializing your loved one at www.memorial-urns.com.

“You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.”
- Kahlil Gibran

Death comes knocking on every door, and we have no choice but to mourn silently while life passes away. The possibility of death is always with us. But in our rush to glorify the living, we turn a blind eye towards death. That is why we are so unprepared when death finally finds us – through someone we love, or in the course of our own journey.

One of the most painful things about death is that it is like a door, beyond which we have never seen. No one knows what happens on the other side, or if there is another side even. All we can do is stand on this side of the solemn door and wonder. It is because of this inconclusive nature of Death that most of us find it hard to accept it. If only we could know for certain that our dear ones are taken care of, that there is no pain any more, that there is a return to life, that we shall meet again.

One way to handle grief is to understand it. Another way to cope is to philosophize it. Reading books helps us do both. When we read about other people in grief, we discover that we are not alone and that what we are feeling is nothing new. It somehow helps take the edge out of the pang to know that others have traveled the same road before you. We also begin to see that there is a Grand Plan in life that cannot be defeated or postponed.

Suggested readings:
“I Can’t Stop Crying; It’s So Hard When Someone You Love Dies” – John D. Martin, Frank D. Ferris, Robert Buckman
Written by professionals dealing with death, loss and grief, this book is an invaluable reference book for those facing a crisis. The book contains practical examples that show the effect of grief on inter-personal relationships. It also explains the process of grieving and makes people understand that they have every right to feel whatever they do – be it anger, sadness or hopelessness. It even tells you how to ‘break’ the sad news upon other people and help them during those immediate hours of need.

“On Death and Dying” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
According to one reader, only two groups of people need not read this masterpiece – those that are not mortal, and those that cannot read. For every one else (that’s you and me), this book is a must-read. The main aim of the book is to ’sensitize family members of terminally ill patients to the implicit communications of dying patients’. The interviews given in the book are, in the most part, by people who are facing death. After reading this book, you may begin to see that although death is not be a happy subject, it needn’t be a dark and menacing mystery any more.

“Safe Passage: Words to Help the Grieving Hold Fast and Let Go” – Molly Fumia.
The words of comfort offered in this book move the reader through the rough and raw emotions of pain, anger, guilt and hopelessness to acceptance and transformation. The book consists of short meditations that help you deal with and understand the various stages of grief. This book has been used by many as a mainstay of their lives when they were going through intense pain and loss.

“You Can Help Someone Who’s Grieving” – Victoria Frigo, Diane Fisher and Mary Lou Cook.
Filled with common sense advice on how to help a grieving friend, it addresses the problem of helping a friend through the grieving process. It clearly states why we feel so uncomfortable dealing with grief and comes out with practical suggestions on how to help.

Memorial Urns provides products and information to help people move forward after their loss. We carry a wide selection of affordable cremation urns and memorial gifts.