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Keeping negative emotions inside of you are one of the most important causes of failure. This is, of course, not to say that you should be pollyannaic (one who is always positive and happy, even if the sky falls on his family).

Yes, some negative emotions are important, if not necessary, for you to feel, like grief when a loved one passes away, or a little guilt when you do something wrong to someone and you want to apologise. A moderate dosage of these kinds of “necessary” negative emotions is healthy.

However, the trap comes when you wallow in these emotions for extended periods of time. You just can’t get yourself to “move on” when you “really, really, really” want to.

No matter how much pollyannaic positive thinking you apply, no matter how many times you repeat your affirmations, no matter how much you try to just ignore your emotions, they just keep coming back to haunt you.

Let’s now see how we can handle this:

First, we must examine the root cause of negative emotions. We must find the base upon which these negative emotions stand and uproot it from the terrain of your mind.

For most of us, the trigger that sparks off most negative emotions is usually an event - an external event that happened to us, which is usually beyond our control.

If it is an event that is beyond our control, why bother? It’s not your fault. Instead, it is more healthy to focus on the things which exist within your sphere of influence, those factors which you are in control of.

By doing this, by only focusing on optimising your power over the things which you have control over, you are, in fact, contributing to the expansion of your sphere of influence, and therefore, you’ll have more things that you have control over, thus, maximising your effectiveness.

The more you focus on what you do control,
The more things you can control.

The more things you can control,
The more effective you become.

A negative emotion could also be an event that is within our control. And this is all the better to handle. The trick now is to identify what had caused you to not attain what you wanted that then triggered your negative emotion.

Here’s where you can use Effective Questions to ask yourself what had really caused you to (to put it bluntly) fail.

Ask the most important question - Why?

Ask “why?” relentlessly, till you get to the core of the matter. Use “why?” as your shovel to dig down deeper and deeper and deeper - do not stop - until you reach the base, the root, the real cause of the problem.

But what about those negative emotions that just “come out of the blue”, without needing it to be triggered by an external event at all? If you can use the Relentless Why technique above with this, you’ll find that somewhere from your past, there is an event that caused this negative emotion to occur.

And also, sometimes, quick fixes to external events that trigger our negative emotions simply cannot heal us of the wounds these emotions cause to us.

This is where more effective questions come in. Not affirmations, not positive thinking, not thinking blissful happy thoughts. You need some really deep, really penetrating effective questions.

Step One - The Clearing Process.

Ask yourself these:

How do I feel?
How do I really, really feel?
Am I sure I am really feeling this? Or is it something else? Another emotion that is disguised as this present emotion?
Do I want to feel this?
Whether you answered Yes or No to the above question, ask -
Why do I want / do I not want to feel this?
What would be the negative consequences of me feeling these emotions for extended periods of time?
Do I want these negative consequences?
How painful can these negative consequences be?
What would be the positive consequences of me getting rid of these emotions?
Do I want these positive consequences?
How pleasurable & delightful can these positive consequences be?
What would I gain from freeing myself of these negative emotions?
Would it be possible that these negative emotions are the very cause for my present state of failure?
Would it be possible that if I rid myself of these negative emotions, I would finally attain the success I desire?

Step Two - The Motivating Process.

Next, ask yourself these questions:

What do I want to feel?
What do I really want to feel?
Why must I want to feel these more resourceful, positive emotions?
How can I feel these more resourceful, positive emotions?
What if I can feel these more resourceful, positive emotions right now?
How would it feel like to feel these positive emotions right now?
Can I feel these positive emotions right now?
What do I have in my life right now that can help me to feel more positive about myself right now?
Who do I love, and who loves me, who can help me to feel more positive about myself right now?
What can I be happy about in my life right now?
Why must I maintain this positive emotion?
How can I maintain this positive emotion?
What if I am already able to maintain this positive emotion right now?

Only 2 phases - clearing the glass of the old water, and filling in the glass with new, cleaner, healthier water.

Do this, and you should have gained yourself a position of power and control over your emotional states. A power, if compared to other forms of power, that is incontestible.

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Focus. That is the single most important ability determinant of your success. The lack of it is also the single most common problem faced by a major portion of the general populace.

The average person cannot focus his or her mind on any one thought, task or thing for extended periods of time if he or she wants to.

Just try this - picture a circle of any colour you choose for at least 68 seconds. That’s only 8 seconds over a minute. Do this without letting any other stray thoughts, images or inner voices intrude in your mind. Not even one speckle of a thought should creep in your mind, other than that circle of your favourite colour centered in your imagination.

Try it now!

Ouch! Treacherously difficult, isn’t it?

I notice a few things after several unyielding trials at meditation and concentration exercises.

If I am focusing on an image or visual object in my mind, that visual object or image tends to “morph” into something else, shifting shapes, changing colours and moving about with a life of its own.

I think that this stems from our mind being bored by our forcing it to concentrate on only one perception at a time, after having been exposed to a life-time of perceptual cognitive bombardment.

It just fights to let other thoughts and perceptions come in to kill its boredom, like a baby that is quickly bored by one toy and wants to play with the next.

If I am trying to focus on a word, a principle, a concept or idea, the intangibility of that thought and vagueness thereof simply demands other related (and un-related) ideas and concepts to flood into my mind, thus killing my concentration exercise.

Either way, I’m trapped.

The supreme kind of focus that is achieved by meditators and the highly successful (meditators are not necessarily highly successful, and vice-versa) only comes about through disciplined training and diligent daily practice.

But I’m not going to tell you to go through that kind of rigorous training to sharpen your focus until it becomes as a laser beam.

Most people do not have the time nor the stamina to take the torturous path braved by those few. Maybe you’re one of them, like me, maybe you’re not.

Don’t worry if you’re from the previous group. It’s not now, but not never either, just, perhaps another time for you.

But do we really need that kind of perfect and supreme concentration ability? To be able to only think one thought and let no other, not one inkling, come in? To focus so deeply and intently on one idea and be immune to distractions both inner and outer?

The answer is no. We don’t have to shave our heads bald and don robes to sharpen our mind. There is a way for you to help yourself focus your mind and all your resources on achieving a certain objective when you really, really need to.

It is through questions.

That’s it. Just ask yourself questions about, relevant and pertaining to the thought, idea or thing you want to focus on. Only questions relevant to the object of your focus. Nothing that strays too far away from the theme or subject matter.

Questions are naturally thought focusers. That means, by their very nature, questions are designed to make your thoughts focus on what is being asked about.

Just think of riddles or puzzles. I just got one in my email concerning the 3rd word in the English language that ends in “gry”.

Here it goes:

“There are 3 words in the English language that end in ‘gry’. One is angry and the other is hungry. Everyone knows what the 3rd word is, and everyone uses it every day. If you listened carefully, I’ve already told you what it is. What is the 3rd word?”

The question “What is the 3rd word?” got my mind thinking so hard, and all my thoughts, for that moment, so focused and intent on finding the elusive answer to that puzzle that it distracted me from the actual answer itself that is already presented to my face (for the answer, go do a search on Google).

Or think back to a time when you were doing an English comprehension paper. I can recall myself doing my ‘O’ Level English Comprehension Examination paper. The article has got something to do with early child development and the human brain.

When you were trying to answer the questions, what do you do? You were searching for the answer in the comprehension article, right?

Or if it was a thinking-type question, you were also searching for the answer in your mind, in your memory, trying to find related ideas and concepts that could somehow match what the comprehension question demands.

If you were observant, I’ve already told you the purpose of focusing.

Okay, I won’t play riddles with you. The chief purpose of concentration or focus is to search for something. You want to search for something, you focus on it.

Scholars, monks, philosophers, thinkers and writers who are in search of what they hold to be the Ultimate Truth, focus on it in order to find it. Some fail, some succeed; and the difference between the two is how much they know about what they are actually focusing on (or searching for) and why.

So here’s one tip to help you focus better:

KNOW what it is you want to achieve with your focusing. What are you searching for? Where are you heading for?

How does one KNOW? How does one attain knowledge of something? One asks. Therefore, questions help one focus.

For example, you want to focus on a book that you’re reading. You can’t seem to understand what it is about, either because the author sucks or you are not focusing well enough on the contents and ideas presented.

Let’s assume it’s the latter case.

First, ask yourself some questions about WHAT information or knowledge that you want to extract from reading this book.

Second, think about HOW you’re going to go about and retrieve that information or knowledge that you’re seeking in the book.

Third, just for added motivation, ask WHY you want to or need to have that knowledge or information you’re searching for in the book.

Fourth, formulate a few What, Why, How, Who, Where, When questions (whatever applies) to get you into “Search mode”; pretty much like a search engine, in order to get you to FOCUS on only those parts of the book that can provide you with the answers to your questions.

While you notice the CAPS that I wrote in the previous few paragraphs, do you see the connection now between focusing, searching for answers and asking questions?

Or let’s say you’re doing one of those concentrating-on-an-object exercises. You know, like candles, fruits, pictures and stuff. I don’t know what the purpose for these kinds of exercises is, other than that they help you train your mind to focus, somehow, albeit on seemingly unconstructive things.

First, ask yourself WHAT that thing actually is (I realise how silly this sounds, but I have a gut inner feeling that I’m on the right track, and I trust my intuition very, very much, and I don’t want to betray it). Okay, so, it’s an apple. Ask yourself what it is that makes an apple, an apple. What are the elements constituting an apple that determines it to be an apple.

Second, ask yourself HOW an apple becomes the way it is. Think about how it was originally planted in the Earth as a seed. Think about how it grows, with the proper nourishment of sunlight, water, minerals, nutrients and other things you learn in high school science.

Third, think about WHY an apple exists. (Laughing out Loud) This is where you can get existential-philosophical. What purpose does it serve in our reality? In this world? In the universe? Ask why is it red? Or green? Why is it juicy and scrunchy? Why is it sweet? What makes it so?

Fourth, generate more questions surrounding that apple. The more you ask, the more you’ll find that you’re thinking deeper and deeper about that apple, and while you’re thinking deeply about it, you’re actually focusing on it, and you’ve exercised your focusing abilities, and hence have enhanced it, by an incremental percentage; and I think if you’re focusing on it hard enough, you might just feel compelled to grab it and take a MUNCH!

Fascinating, isn’t it?

I’ll end this article with a few Meta-Questions:

Why must I focus on the most constructive thought at any given moment?

How can I focus on the most constructive thought at any given moment?

What if I am already focusing on the most constructive thought at any given moment?

How do I know I am focusing on the most constructive thought at any one time?

How soon can I be able to easily focus on the most constructive thought at any given time?

What is my purpose for focusing my mind on this thought I am thinking now?

How can I know that my purpose for focusing my mind on this thought I am thinking now is positive, constructive, optimal and serves to better my condition in the best possible way?

What am I really searching or seeking for while I am focusing on this thought?

What am I focusing on right now? (Ask this question from time to time, to keep track of your thoughts. Most people spend 99% of their time letting thoughts pass in their mind unchecked)

Why am I focusing on this thought right now?

Can you think of more questions already?

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To add to or even replace your daily habit of repeating affirmations or reading motivational quotes, you can also help yourself to a good, healthy dose of Meta-Questions.What are meta-questions?

Meta-questions are simply honest and focused questions that are designed to manoeuvre your thinking process into a more constructive, optimal (not necessarily optimistic) and pragmatic mental frame.

This especially helps when you are in the habit of waking up to generally very negative and pessimistic thought patterns in the morning. I know, because I am one of these people.

However, I’ve learnt to get around this problem by formulating my own set of effective questions to help me re-focus every morning on the big picture, my - corny as it may sound - “mission in life”, and get me back on track.

Meta-questions are one step above “normal” effective questions in that they not only aid in shifting your focus onto a more constructive plane of thinking, but they also add on to your efficiency and proficiency with the technique.

That means, the more you use meta-questions, the better you get at it. It’s an exponential growth!

To start with, you can ask, “How can I formulate better questions every day?”

Then ask, “Why must I constantly think up better questions every day?”

And, “What will it be and feel like if the quality of questions that I keep asking every day improves?”

My favourite variation of this set of questions will be like this -

“How can I ask myself better questions today than yesterday? How can I ask myself even better questions tomorrow than today?”

“Why must I ask myself better questions today than yesterday? Why must I ask myself even better questions tomorrow than today?”

“What if I am asking myself better questions today than yesterday? What would it feel like if I am asking myself even better questions tomorrow than today?”

To make things even better, add these questions -

“How can I use these even better questions to improve every facet of my life every day?”

“Why must I use these even better questions to improve every facet of my life every day?”

“What would it be and feel like once I use these even better questions to improve every facet of my life every day?”

“How can I act upon the answers, ideas and insights I get from asking myself better & better questions every day?”

“Why must I act upon the answers, ideas and insights I get from asking myself better & better questions every day?”

“What would it be and feel like if I act upon the answers, ideas and insights I get from asking myself better & better questions every day?”

“How do I know if an idea which I think of will be the best and most optimal possible solution to put into action in the current situation?”

And the list goes on. I hope you know now how the pattern goes. You should be able to create your own set of meta-questions by now, from the extensive list of examples I provide above.

These questions work like compound interest. Only that you don’t have to invest any money up front, and the returns are more rewarding - far, far more rewarding - than what dollars and cents can give you.

A good idea would be to print out your set of meta-questions as beautifully as possible, using your favourite publishing or image editing software, and put them up somewhere you can see them every day.

10 to 20 minutes of calm and concentrated contemplation upon these questions would suffice in expanding your personal power and effectiveness in your daily life.

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Take these statements into consideration and see how many you have used recently.

I have tried that before and it did not work so there is no point in trying again.
I have got a great idea but I have not got the time to do anything about it today.
There is something in my past that stops me from being who I want to be.
The times not right, I will wait until the market is ready for my new product, or idea.
I had a great idea but someone else is now doing it and making a good life from it.
Tomorrow is another day, the start of a new beginning for me.
They were the good old days, I wish they would come back again.

Well, how did you do? The point of this article is to get you to think about the passions in your life and doing something about them. In other words become a success now. If you can come to terms with the fact that there is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow, its always the present moment.

So the only time that you can take any kind of action to become a success is at that moment in time. Successful people are the ones that take action, get things started there and then, in the moment when their passion is at its peak. By doing so they keep their success momentum going. By continually taking action they stay in the flow.

If you did not have a watch or a diary or a calendar you would not know when yesterday was or when tomorrow would arrive, because they only exist in our minds. We have all been programmed with times and dates which give us a false sense of time. The short time it has taken you to read this far into this article has gone, but it has not become yesterday, it has simply passed you by, it has gone forever. The next second that ticks by does not become tomorrow it is the now, and then it is gone.

If you can learn that simple principle and take all of your actions immediately, success will follow. This does not mean you have to carry your new great idea out to the full in that one moment of time, but do something to get it moving. Make a phone call, tell a friend, do some research, write it down, just do one thing and keep the momentum going.

Your success is in the future but the actions you need to take to reach your success are in the present, keep taking action and eventually the future will arrive and you will have arrived at where you wanted to be.

So make a conscious decision to take some kind of action everyday and time itself will get you there, but make sure you do it now!

Steve Tallamy uses his web site to help people from all walks of life through his own life experiences to demonstrate that success via self development and hypnosis in particular is possible for everyone to achieve. You can find out more about Steve and his experiences at http://www.self-developer.com

Take a good look at yourself right now. Gaze into the mirror of your self. I don’t mean you to take it literally and get a glass mirror to look at your face.

Just take mental note of what you are, who you are, where you are right now, what you have done, and what you have, in all aspects of your life.

Without letting yourself be fooled by its apparent simplicity, ask yourself these questions, in terms of these 6 dimensions (physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, financial, social) :

What am I?
Who am I?
Where am I?
What have I done?
What have I achieved?
What do I have?

Why don’t you do yourself a favour - grab a piece of paper and a pencil, write those questions down and begin thinking about the answers. Or you can just fire up notePad or a word processing program of your choice and type these questions out.

Relax. Don’t take this as some tedious “homework” or exercise. See it as a fun exploration in getting to know the most complex, fascinating and mysterious creature you’ve ever known.

You.

Written those questions down already? Answered them already? It helps if you write your answers down as well.

Don’t worry about writing grammatically perfect English (or whatever is your language of choice) sentences. But do try to be as specific as possible.

If the answer to your question of “What have I achieved?” is “Nothing”, think about why you just said that.

What do you exactly mean by nothing? Do you mean you’ve achieved nothing which you think is worth mentioning? Or are you just being excessively modest?

Be specific. Think of some very concrete, tangible answers to those questions, focused around the 6 dimensions I mentioned above.

Next, as you take a look at the piece of paper or the notePad window (or whatever), think about how you’ve arrived at the situation you are in, right now.

Think about the specific decisions, actions, choices you made and the events that lead you to who and what you are right now. Surely the things that you have, do or be right now is a product of a set of important decisions you have made in life.

Even if it’s a coincidence, an act of God, a stroke of luck or a serendipity, you do involve some decision-making into it (like whether or not to follow on it when the opportunity presents itself).

Be very honest with yourself. Write down your findings for this as well.

Done that? Now pick just one of those crucial ‘decision moments’ you’ve written down. Pick the one which you think is the most significant in your life.

Now take a fresh sheet of paper, or open up a new notePad window, and write down a headline for that crucial decision moment you’ve just picked. Below this headline, write a brief description of what happened when you made that decision.

Close your eyes for a while and recall that moment of decision-making. Relive it in as much detail as possible in your mind.

Now ask yourself what is going on in your mind as you make your decision. Just an instant, a split second, before you come to your conclusion, what is it that happens in your mind that lead you to your decision?

Do you find that, if you could really go back into it, you are asking yourself questions, consciously or not, about the effects of each option you have, about what action to take, etc?

Every time you think, every time you analyse, every time you want to make a decision, you ask yourself some questions.

Questions are the key to the door that will lead you to your answers - whether they’re right or not. Now do you see the power questions can hold over the shaping of our lives?

If the present condition of your life right now is determined by the decisions (and follow-up actions) you made in the past, and the decisions you made were determined by the quality of your thinking before making each decision, then the quality of your thinking is determined by the quality of the questions you asked yourself.

To live an effective life, you need effective decisions.
To make each effective decision, you need effective thinking.
To do some effective thinking, you need effective questions.

Now do you see the power of questions in shaping your life?

Think about it for today.

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Self-esteem is at the core of everyones success story and it is a very powerful emotion to have, yet so many people seem to be afraid to develop their own self-esteem, and then they stand back and blame everyone else for their failures.

So that it is not surprising that they fail, let us look at some of the reasons as to why I think they are not a success in the self-esteem stakes.

I think you know the type of person I am going to be referring to here, in fact I know that you do, we all know at least one person like this. They like to show off and be the center of everyones attention. They are always finishing off your sentences for you. They never stop telling you about themselves and how good they are at everything that they do. They are always fishing for compliments. They are forever criticizing people behind their backs but never to their faces.

I could go on but I think that you will have a picture of someone that you know in your mind by now. The thing that makes me laugh about these characters is that they think of themselves as having a very high level of high self-esteem, as being successful and loved by everyone around them. But we know differently because we can see through the veneer that they have to wear to cover over their cracks.

The successful person with self-esteem acts in a totally different manner. Almost unnoticed it seems, but powerfully appealing at the same time, a lot more like this. They appear to be more interested in others than in themselves. They can and will attract your attention almost without you being aware of it. They do not seek out praise or compliments but know how to appreciate them when given.

Again there are so many more examples I could give, but you get my point, they are poles apart in their behavior. I know which one of them I would rather have a meal with,I bet you do as well. Self-esteem is a measure of the value or worth that we have for ourselves, so the more self-esteem the more worth and the more worth or value the higher our success.

Hypnosis helped me regain my own self-esteem not so very long ago, so you see there are ways that you can give your chances of success a great boost by working on your own self-esteem.

Steve Tallamy uses his web site to help people from all walks of life through his own life experiences to demonstrate that success via self development and hypnosis in particular is possible for everyone to achieve. You can find out more about Steve and his experiences at http://www.self-developer.com

The Stoic Lucius Seneca once wrote: “It is part of the cure to want to be cured.”

This simple observation reflects our current understanding of the relationship between mind and body. There is a close correlation between physical actions and mental states. Certain actions can impact our mental attitudes and our mental attitudes influence our physical being because the mind and body constantly talk to one another. The brain sends all that it thinks and perceives to the rest of the body.

An extreme example of this interconnection can be seen in the effects of voodoo. In the 1940s, Harvard physiologist Walter Cannon spent several years collecting examples of “voodoo death” — case histories of men and women who died as a result of being the recipient of a curse, an alleged supernatural visitation or the breaking of some tribal or cultural taboo. Cannon concluded that humans could die from “the fatal power of the imagination working through unmitigated terror.” Another researcher, Dr. J.C. Barker, in Scared to Death — a collection of case histories of individuals who had willed themselves or others to death — concluded that voodoo-like death results “purely from extreme fear and exhaustion…essentially a psychosomatic phenomenon.”

How is it possible for thoughts to impact the body so drastically?

It is possible because the central nervous system and the body’s immune system are hard-wired together. In 1981 neurobiologist David Felten and a team of researchers at the Indiana University School of Medicine found the first concrete example of the mind/body connection — a bridge between the body’s immune system and the central nervous system that is under control of the brain. While tracing nerves to bone marrow, lymph nodes and the spleen, Felten’s team discovered a network of nerves leading to blood vessels as well as to cells of the immune system. They found that nerves in the thymus and spleen terminated near clusters of lymphocytes and mast cells, which help control immune function. In other words, the brain absolutely communicates with immune-system cells.

This establishes a close correlation between a person’s mental state and physical reactions. You can generate an emotion simply by going through the appropriate muscle movements. For example, if you clench your fist and scowl, you will begin to feel anger. Force yourself to laugh and you will begin to feel good. The specific muscle action is an integral part of the corresponding emotion. You cannot hold your features in the expression of one emotion and call up the feeling of a different emotion at the same time. It is impossible to do.

Paul Ekman, Professor Emeritus at the University of California at San Francisco, is a pioneer in the study of emotions and facial expressions. His research on more than 200 kinds of smiles demonstrated that you could actually alter your emotional state and immune system by smiling or frowning. When Ekman’s research subjects were trained to control their facial muscles and voluntarily form smiles, their physiological processes altered immediately and their hormones changed drastically.

So when you smile, you alter your blood chemistry. The natural opiates in your system and your neuropeptides change. These chemicals are located not only in your brain but in your stomach and intestines.

What does this have to do with hypnosis?

Hypnosis is the most powerful tool we possess for changing thoughts and attitudes. It is a trance state characterized by relaxation, extreme suggestibility and hyper-attentiveness. The subject is fully conscious, but chooses to focus internally while ignoring external stimuli.

Hypnosis allows one to access the subconscious mind directly. In this relaxed, hyper-attentive state, the subject experiences the hypnotist’s suggestions as if they were real. If told that his or her tongue has swollen to double its normal size, the subject will have difficulty talking. If told that his/her hands are glued together, the subject cannot pull them apart. By the same token, the subject is receptive to suggestions that are designed to change destructive thought patterns and habits such as anxiety, depression, stress, smoking and eating disorders.

A potent example of hypnosis’ power to affect physiology through the brain connection is its medical use. Since all pain is transmitted through the brain, the pain associated with surgery or medical conditions responds well to hypnosis. Hypnosis is an effective anesthesia for surgeries, dental procedures, childbirth and migraines. It also helps patients to manage nausea and symptoms from chemotherapy by enhancing control over their body responses.

The mind/body connection is the key to why hypnosis can be used so successfully to manage our physiology. Hypnosis gives us the power to alter our mental attitudes for the better; this in turn positively impacts our physical being.

In light of this potent interplay between mind and body, we would do well to take seriously the old Cole Porter song: “Accentuate the positive; eliminate the negative; latch on to the affirmative.” And enjoy happy body chemistry as your reward!

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of my-personal-growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.